Be Still
by bluejay96343
Summary: Arthur struggles with his guilt and moving on after Merlin's death. Song-Fic set to song Be Still by The Fray


**Alright, so this is my first Merlin fic. That being said, those of you reading this most likely have no idea how I write so I'll explain. I really can't do fluff - I can write non-con (rape), whump (hurt/torture), regret/loss and whatever else you can think of as long as it's not happy. Don't ask why, I have no idea. ALSO I guess I tend to write "OOC" (I don't really believe in OOC) but I think that the characters in Merlin are so layered that they can't ever be OOC. Maybe I'm wrong, so if anything in here is OOC I'm sorry but I hope you liked it anyway. **

**Warnings/Notes: Character death (or already dead I guess) - brief description of death but nothing too bad. Not slash because I just love their bromance. Lancelot is alive here, and Gwen isn't queen.  
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Arthur Pendragon stared absently out his open window, eyes scanning the courtyard but not really seeing any of the subjects below. It'd been two months. Two dreadfully long and cruel months. Two months of undeniable grief. Two months of life without Merlin. His servant. His confidant. His friend.

_**Be still and know that I'm with you,  
Be still and know that I am here.  
Be still and know that I'm with you,  
Be still, be still and know.**_

Arthur knew he should have listened to his manservant. Thinking back on it now, Arthur realized Merlin always had amazing instincts. The day Merlin's charred body had arrived in a wood box, Gaius had furiously described in vivid detail everything Merlin had done for Arthur since arriving in Camelot. Arthur, who was speechless at the time, couldn't hold back the sobs that racked through his body when he was alone in his chambers the same night.

_**When darkness comes upon you,  
And colors you with fear and shame -  
Be still and know that I'm with you,  
And I will say your name.**_

Arthur, the great king – so strong and rational – woke up crying every night since Merlin's death, hands trembling visibly. Gagging and retching, attempting to get the taste of ash out of his mouth, knowing the ash came from the fire that killed Merlin. His nose burning with the revolting smell of blistering flesh and singed hair. Merlin's pained screaming ringing in his ears. He would reach under his pillow and pull out Merlin's kerchief, his thumb running gently over the soft fabric that still smelled like his servant.

_**If terror falls upon your bed,  
And sleep no longer comes -  
Remember all the words I said.  
Be still, be still and know.**_

Flashes of Merlin's death constantly ran through Arthur's head. Merlin's final smile, that flicker of sadness quickly covered by his dimpled grin. Merlin's limp form being dragged by Morgana and tied to a wooden stake. Arthur's throat dry, lips parted slightly and his eyes pleading with Morgana thought they never left his friend's body. Morgana's laughter carried by the whipping wind, her hair blowing behind her as she lit a fire with a flick of her wrist and a few whispered words. Merlin's panicked expression as the flames licked up his back and hugged his torso menacingly. His screams piercing the eerie silence. The last words he heard Morgana utter before she died at his sword, blood trickling out of her mouth but her lips still turned up into a triumphant grin - "Goodbye Emrys."

_**And when you go through the valley,  
And shadow comes down from the hill.  
If morning never comes to be,  
Be still, be still, be still.**_

The knights no longer worried when they found their king sitting on the stone floor with his head leaning back against the wall, eyes squeezed shut but tears still escaping – breathing fast and chest heaving. He'd finally opened up to Lancelot once, revealing that his guilt was literally tearing him apart. Arthur let his hatred for Morgana cloud his vision – he'd risked the lives of his men and that of his manservant because the fresh sting of betrayal still swirled deep in his stomach. And because of that, Merlin lay deep in the merciless ground, eyes frozen shut and heart to never beat again.

_**If you forget the way to go  
And lose where you came from,  
If no one is standing beside you  
Be still and know I am.**_

"I know I've told you no man deserves your tears but- but I was wrong. You Merlin. You deserve much more than that. You've saved my ass more times that I can count and I never even knew. I can't believe my future was resting solely on the shoulders of such a clumsy clot-pole." Arthur chuckled, but the smile quickly fell away before reaching his eyes. "But truly Merlin, I owe you a great debt – and even though you aren't here to hear it, I know now that magic isn't evil. It's the heart of man that's evil. I'm sorry it took me so long to figure that out – and I'm sorry my stupidity has caused you your life. I – I just want you to know that magic is slowly being accepted in Camelot. Because of you Merlin. My loyal servant. My best friend."

_**Be still and know that I'm with you.  
Be still and know I am.**_

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**Please review (; Oh, and if you have any song-fic requests and/or storyline suggestions (to go with or without songs) just message me or say so in your review. I appreciate it and I hope you enjoyed.  
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